I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
