checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
