Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
