I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
