I saw his package. It spoke to me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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