I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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