I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
