I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
