you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
do nipples grow back?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
