dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
