pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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