i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
