they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
