I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
