So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
