Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
