I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
