I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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