So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
