I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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