You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
