Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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