when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
