Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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