Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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