Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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