The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
