Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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