I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
