"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize