I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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