i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
