if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
