Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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