he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
