last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
