I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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