You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
