That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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