i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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