Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Drunk is a universal language darling
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