She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
