I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
