Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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