this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
