we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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