You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
