In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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