The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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