i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
