just come out here and I will go home with you...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
