Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
