"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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