dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
