why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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