i don't like sucking hair
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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