Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
