You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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