So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she told me i tasted like america
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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