you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
