I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
