Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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