I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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