Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
