My liver just broke up with me...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
