so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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