i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
