"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
