Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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