I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
