Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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