Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
