was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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