I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
