My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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