I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
