I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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