Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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