Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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