i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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