You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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