I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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