you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
