I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
