I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
