I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
