she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
ok first of all what the fuck
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
